Incredible India!

People must be sick even of seeing the CWG mess now. Little slices of our unending lust and inefficiency keep coming every morning. And even cracking jokes about is becoming progressively difficult. Corruption in the games preparation continues to be exposed. Its sheer scale makes our head swim. But then, we have no alternative but to laugh it all away.
The accommodation for athletes has been built swiftly. We build faster than China. And need fewer bags of cement. The games village is thrown open. But only to discover certain deposits already in the toilet area. Foreigners had to blow their noses in their handkerchiefs and kick up a lot fuss over filthy and unlivable conditions. But why are we homeys so shocked and embarrassed? Hasn't organising committee secretary Lalit Bhanot told us that everyone's hygiene standards are different. We have ours. Bhanot has predicted more than 75 medals for us. Of course. If more and more athletes drop out because of just-another-day events like dengue, terror attacks, delays, leaky venues, falling ceilings, we will win the games.
The games village has refrigerators. Not plastic jugs with smudgy glasses on a plastic tray, like in government guest houses. CWG participants should learn to live with gaps in the windows, loose electrical fittings, and iron railings wide enough for animals to slip in.
Hospitality comes naturally to Indians, especially when we are dealing with foreigners. But in Delhi they should do what Delhiwallas do. Eat whatever comes before you. And digest it. Good athletes must be able to digest everything.
If on a sightseeing tour, an athlete gets shot, our home minister will surely rush to pay a visit in the hospital. This, it may be noted, is a special gesture, not the normal behaviour of ministers. When the pedestrian bridge collapsed injuring labourers, it was dismissed as a minor incident. And top officials exclaimed, “Thank god, no foreigners.”
Here are some travel guidelines for the guests so that they can understand Indians better. "Paan" stains are the only lasting impression most of us leave behind. We never accept responsibility for our mistakes. We have spent the last few months distancing ourselves from the CWG. It's a national shame. We roll down the windows of our BMWs to fling out garbage, but enjoy your stay. Don't ever try not to make fun of us. We have no sense of humour. India is incredible, but Delhi can be fun only without Dilliwallahs.